why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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