Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
