I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This toilet bowl is my home.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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