I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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