do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
