Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
