I am spending my child support on dildos
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
