Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
