i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
