so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
