I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
