Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize