Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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