I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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