I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Swine flu. Run for my life!
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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