I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
