if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
