I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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