I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
