Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
