at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
