wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize