She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
