If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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