In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
