what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
