Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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