Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
