I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
