You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize