would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
