Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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