Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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