I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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