Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
