Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
