He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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