Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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