I wish I only lived at night.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
