If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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