Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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