just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
