There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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