I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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