so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
