i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
