i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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