U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
