I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
