He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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