Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
