I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
