my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
