She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
BRING THE BAGELS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
