If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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