I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
