last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
