Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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