I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
