The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
