I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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