In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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