Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
