90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
