Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
