What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
