im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
