How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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