She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
