dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
