I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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